Thrive Tribe Blog | Jane Copier Coaching

The Truth About Trust

Uncategorized May 10, 2024

This is something that has been on my mind and heart this week as I coached a beautiful gal whose husband struggles with a pornography addiction.

She asked the question, “How can I possibly trust him now?”

We think that trust is something to be earned, but perhaps there is another way to think about it. We feel let down when we have an expectation that life should be a certain way. When reality doesn’t live up to the dream, we feel betrayed. But what if it isn’t personal? What if it’s simply an opportunity to grow?

I believe Heavenly Father gave us families, not only to love, but also as part of our challenges. Those tender relationships give us ample opportunities to discover what we really believe. Do we really believe in forgiveness? Do we really trust that there will be justice and mercy… and do we trust that it isn’t our place to be judge and jury, but simply love as our Savior did?

Most of us are tempted to...

What's Your Story?

Uncategorized May 09, 2024

Have you ever said any of the following (maybe even just in your head!)?

“He’s not my soulmate.”

“I can’t believe I married this guy, what was I thinking??”

“Pretty sure I should have married someone more….”

No? How about this one, “He’s the PERFECT one for me!” (then lucky you!)

This pic was taken last week while on vacation and I love it because when I was looking at my husband, I was celebrating him… celebrating the joy of loving him, because he truly is the perfect one for me.

Sadly, I spent way too much time over the past 30 years of my marriage NOT feeling this way. I didn’t realize that it was my own thoughts that were causing me pain.

I spent a lot of time building a file of evidence for all of the reasons we weren’t good together, and here’s the thing…. We find what we look for.

Most people don’t recognize that the story they tell themselves about...

The Manual

#coachformidlifewomen #emotionaladult #expectations #janecopiercoaching #lcslifecoach #stopjudging Jul 06, 2020

When I was a newly married, every single night I would cook an elaborate dinner, because I believed it was what a “good” wife should do.

Truth is I don’t really love to cook, but in my mind it was necessary if I wanted my husband to love me. I remember one night, my husband coming home and saying, “You don’t have to make a big dinner every night, I’m totally fine with a frozen burrito!”

But of course I didn’t listen, because a “good” wife always makes a nice dinner! Right??

There were lots of other things I added to my manual for myself, like never say anything if it might hurt someone else’s feelings, always volunteer, never go out in public without looking good… and on and on! Sound familiar?

Not only did I have a manual for myself, but I also had a manual for my husband. Which of course I never shared with him, -I just expected him to read my mind.

Because if he really loved me, he would KNOW...

Life Will Always be 50/50

#contrastisablessing #fiftyfiftylife #janecopiercoaching #lcslifecoach #ldslifecoach #midlifemoms Jul 29, 2019

We are on vacation in Southern California recently with a few of our kids and grandbabies. It’s a trip we’ve been so looking forward to since we booked it months ago, and so far we are having a great time!

But knowing that our experience is going to be 50% good and 50% bad, helps me keep a good perspective and roll through the bumps with much more calm.

In life, so many of us have the expectation that we should just be happy all of the time. That if we can just choose the right thoughts, things should always be perfect.

We should always be madly in love with our spouse, we should always be having fun and feeling amazing. But here’s the truth, in order to experience the full scope of human emotion, life is supposed to be 50/50.

Consider this, if we spent 100% of our lives in positive emotion, everyone would be happy, thin, lottery winners… and we wouldn’t even know we were happy.

There would be no contrast.

We...

What if You're Both Right?

#blackandwhitethinking #broadenyourperspective #lcslifecoach #ldslifecoach #seektounderstand Jul 22, 2019

This is something I’ve been doing a lot of coaching on lately, so I thought I’d share.

Our opinions really matter to us. Most of us feel very strongly about a lot of things, and it makes us feel bad when others don’t agree with us.

But wait a minute… does IT make us feel bad? Or is it what we make it mean, that makes us feel bad?

When you are arguing with your spouse (or anyone else for that matter), do you find yourself digging in? Do you feel the need to defend your position? Do you make being wrong a character flaw?

Consider this, -perhaps you are both right? He sees a lantern and you see flowers. Both are true and correct. What if you could just get curious about why he sees the lantern?

Was the way your family raised you best?

Did you celebrate holidays in all the right ways, and his family just didn’t?

Do you have the right ideas about how to raise the kids, load the dishwasher, plan a vacation or install the toilet paper...

Stay in Your Lane

#coachformidlifewomen #emptynestmom #lcslifecoach #ldslifecoach #midlifewomenscoach #mindyourownbusiness Jul 15, 2019

When I was fourteen years old, our family was making a move from Arizona to Utah. My dad was driving the big old moving truck and my mom drove our family van, which meant that my brother Eric, who had recently turned 16, needed to drive one of our cars.

He and his friend and our Collie, Trina, were in the car ahead of us on a two lane highway. I was sitting in the passenger seat of the van, and to our horror, we watched as my brother’s car drifted into the oncoming lane, barely missing a large semi truck, and then off the other side of the road and rolled several times.

I remember my mom screaming and honking the horn, but was powerless to help.

We pulled over as quickly as we could and then I remember running as fast as I could to get to the car… and then realizing that I might see something horrific, and slowing down, not sure what to do!

The car was resting on its roof, and miraculously, we watched as both of them crawled out of the...

What if? The questions that drive us crazy!

#coachformidlifewomen #howtocalmyourbrain #howtostopworrying #janecopiercoaching #lcslifecoach #stopworrying Jul 08, 2019

“What if….?” Does this question swim in your brain and cause you stress?

You’re not alone and boy has this weekend given me a run for my money! I am in the soup and working hard at some self coaching!

First, you should know I have major issues with motorcycles.

When I was 18, I was working for the summer as a nanny in Massachusetts, when I got the call that my uncle had been in ANOTHER motorcycle accident. It was very serious and he had lost his leg… and eventually his life. I had watched my mom and her family deal with his struggles over the years due to his major health and mental problems, all caused by previous accidents. I never wanted to have anyone I loved on a motorcycle.

So… I’m married to a man. A man who loves manly things… A man who for thirty years has wanted a motorcycle, and not purchased one because he knows how I feel. He has watched as several friends in our...

Bring the Joy

#coachformidlifewomen #howtomakeothershappy #janecopiercoaching #lcslifecoach #stopfeelinginsecure Jun 29, 2019

I heard a quote recently that I loved and it made me stop and think. It goes like this:

“There are two types of people in the world. One walks into the room and announces, “Here I am!” The other walks into a room and says, “Oh, there you are!”

One person, completely focused on themselves, and the other, focusing on someone else.

The truth of this made me take a good hard look at myself and ask, “Which one am I?”

So many of us are uncomfortable in social situations, but it has nothing to do with the people we are surrounded by, and everything to do with the thoughts in our own minds.

When we worry about the way that others perceive us, we focus on ourselves.

When we show up with love and genuine interest for others, the focus shifts
away from ourselves, and we are able to be authentic and engage in building relationships.

Consider how you want to show up.

What kind of energy...

Are You a Fence Sitter

#coachformidlifewomen #indecision #janecopiercoaching #lcslifecoach #stopfeelingstuck Jun 20, 2019

Have you ever been a fence sitter? It’s such an uncomfortable spot isn’t it? Those fence posts can get a little painful after a while!

I remember back in high school, being recruited to play volleyball by a few different colleges, and being scared to death to make the wrong choice.

Maybe you felt the same way when deciding where to move… whom to marry… your vocation etc…

Indecision is caused by a thought error or loop, which is the result of fear.

Fear that we will make the wrong choice.

Fear of messing something up.

But you see, the fear we have about making the decision, only adds to the drama and doubles the discomfort, because you beat yourself up for being so indecisive!

Our past, and every decision we’ve made, were the right ones. How do we know this? Because we made it! Whatever we have chosen in life has been the perfect classroom for...

Power of Perspective

#coachformidlifewomen #janecopiercoaching #lcslifecoach #perspective Jun 20, 2019

Perspective. It’s everything, isn’t it? Have you ever wondered why something can be such a big deal to one person, and really nothing to someone else?

I had an experience as a young mom that really helped me to see that people are always more important than things.

Our family had been working in the yard together, and my husband promised our three little kiddos a Slurpee when we finished, if they worked hard. So, when we were done, as promised, he loaded them up in our junky old mini-van and headed off to 7-11.

He pulled into the parking lot, and in his excitement, one of our boys threw the door open and banged it into the side of a brand new, VERY beautiful BMW. My husband was so embarrassed and upset, and started to get after our son for being so careless.

The very kind, calm and wise driver of the BMW, stopped him and said with a smile,- “Hey, don’t worry about it! It’s just a...

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