The Manual

When I was a newly married, every single night I would cook an elaborate dinner, because I believed it was what a “good” wife should do.

Truth is I don’t really love to cook, but in my mind it was necessary if I wanted my husband to love me. I remember one night, my husband coming home and saying, “You don’t have to make a big dinner every night, I’m totally fine with a frozen burrito!” 

But of course I didn’t listen, because a “good” wife always makes a nice dinner! Right??

There were lots of other things I added to my manual for myself, like never say anything if it might hurt someone else’s feelings, always volunteer, never go out in public without looking good… and on and on! Sound familiar?

Not only did I have a manual for myself, but I also had a manual for my husband. Which of course I never shared with him, -I just expected him to read my mind. 

Because if he really loved me, he would KNOW...

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Stay in Your Lane

When I was fourteen years old, our family was making a move from Arizona to Utah.  My dad was driving the big old moving truck and my mom drove our family van, which meant that my brother Eric, who had recently turned 16, needed to drive one of our cars.

He and his friend and our Collie, Trina, were in the car ahead of us on a two lane highway.  I was sitting in the passenger seat of the van, and to our horror, we watched as my brother’s car drifted into the oncoming lane, barely missing a large semi truck, and then off the other side of the road and rolled several times.

I remember my mom screaming and honking the horn, but was powerless to help. 

We pulled over as quickly as we could and then I remember running as fast as I could to get to the car… and then realizing that I might see something horrific,  and slowing down, not sure what to do! 

The car was resting on its roof, and miraculously, we watched as both of them crawled out of the...

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What if? The questions that drive us crazy!

“What if….?”  Does this question swim in your brain and cause you stress?

You’re not alone and boy has this weekend given me a run for my money! I am in the soup and working hard at some self coaching! 

First, you should know I have major issues with motorcycles.

When I was 18, I was working for the summer as a nanny in Massachusetts, when I got the call that my uncle had been in ANOTHER motorcycle accident.  It was very serious and he had lost his leg… and eventually his life. I had watched my mom and her family deal with his struggles over the years due to his major health and mental problems, all caused by previous accidents.  I never wanted to have anyone I loved on a motorcycle.

So… I’m married to a man.  A man who loves manly things… A man who for thirty years has wanted a motorcycle, and not purchased one because he knows how I feel.  He has watched as several friends in our...

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Bring the Joy

I heard a quote recently that I loved and it made me stop and think.  It goes like this:

“There are two types of people in the world.  One walks into the room and announces, “Here I am!”  The other walks into a room and says, “Oh, there you are!”

One person, completely focused on themselves, and the other, focusing on someone else.

The truth of this made me take a good hard look at myself and ask, “Which one am I?”

So many of us are uncomfortable in social situations, but it has nothing to do with the people we are surrounded by, and everything to do with the thoughts in our own minds.

When we worry about the way that others perceive us, we focus on ourselves.

When we show up with love and genuine interest for others, the focus shifts
away from ourselves, and we are able to be authentic and engage in building relationships.

Consider how you want to show up.  

What kind of energy...

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Power of Perspective

Perspective.  It’s everything, isn’t it?  Have you ever wondered why something can be such a big deal to one person, and really nothing to someone else?

I had an experience as a young mom that really helped me to see that people are always more important than things.  

Our family had been working in the yard together, and my husband promised our three little kiddos a Slurpee when we finished, if they worked hard.  So, when we were done, as promised, he loaded them up in our junky old mini-van and headed off to 7-11. 

He pulled into the parking lot, and in his excitement, one of our boys threw the door open and banged it into the side of a brand new, VERY beautiful BMW. My husband was so embarrassed and upset, and started to get after our son for being so careless.  

The very kind, calm and wise driver of the BMW, stopped him and said with a smile,- “Hey, don’t worry about it! It’s just a...

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What is a Life Coach?

I love the response I get when I tell people I’m a Life Coach. They are so positive and supportive, but often respond by saying, “Oh that sounds amazing!,- What is a Life Coach?”

It’s a great question, so I thought I’d just share a little about what exactly it is that I do! I practice what is called “causal” coaching. Meaning, I help people find the cause of a problem they are experiencing and we treat the cause, and not the symptoms.

My goal is to help you learn to coach yourself through difficulties rather than relying on a therapist or coach long term.

Even though I have a degree in Psychology, I am not a therapist. So perhaps you are wondering, “What is the difference between therapy and coaching?” My answer is that therapy is past focused, seeking to discover and treat past trauma. It is for those who may have received a medical diagnosis that requires Psychotherapy. 

Coaching, on the other hand, is forward focused. I...

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Are You a Fence Sitter

Have you ever been a fence sitter?  It’s such an uncomfortable spot isn’t it?  Those fence posts can get a little painful after a while!

I remember back in high school, being recruited to play volleyball by a few different colleges, and being scared to death to make the wrong choice.

Maybe you felt the same way when deciding where to move… whom to marry… your vocation etc…

Indecision is caused by a thought error or loop, which is the result of fear.

Fear that we will make the wrong choice.  

Fear of messing something up. 

 But you see, the fear we have about  making the decision, only adds to the drama and doubles the discomfort, because you beat yourself up for being so indecisive!

Our past, and every decision we’ve made, were the right ones.  How do we know this?  Because we made it!  Whatever we have chosen in life has been the perfect classroom for...

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