Haha, we’ve all learned not to ask that question until about the 8th month!  But that’s not the type of expecting we are talking about today.

Are you the gifted type of person that can create the PERFECT holiday in your mind?  You watch an occasional Hallmark movie, but the dream in your head is better than anything on screen?

I am!  -or, at least I WAS.  I made so many plans, -had SO MANY expectations! 

I planned exactly how our Christmas tree should look.  I planned the events we would attend, the parties we would host, the gifts we would give -and how they should be wrapped.  I planned the menus, the activities, the baking, the neighbor gifts and every other little detail, right down to the scented candles that would make our home smell like freshly cut evergreen trees. 

I worked so hard to make sure it was the perfect celebration for everyone and I was completely attached to my plan.  I could see how it should go. ...

As a former perfectionist, I know first-hand how it can rob us of the feeling of accomplishment, because nothing is ever good enough.

As a young mom, I was afraid to have my kids looking shabby, what would people think of me as a mother?  If someone asked me to do something, I’d go over the top to impress them with my capabilities. If you wanted to  come visit me, I had to have my house looking perfect so you wouldn’t think I was a slob. I’d put a smile on my face and pretend my marriage was great, as I was sobbing and lonely on the inside.  Can you relate?

We mistakenly wear perfectionism as a badge of honor.  Our long hours and checking off boxes on our list give us a sense of validation. The busier we are, the harder we push, the worthier we feel. It’s exhausting.

The problem isn’t with wanting to do our best; doing our best and being happy with the outcome is not only healthy, but the way that we achieve our goals. 

...

I know you’ve heard people say this before, “I can forgive, but I can’t forget.”  

I hear this all the time and it’s so natural for our brains to think this way.  Our lower brain’s only job is to keep us safe. It runs on what we call the motivational triad, which is this:  Conserve energy, seek pleasure and avoid pain.

This was very helpful wiring for our caveman ancestors who had the very real fear of being eaten by a tiger, if they left the security of the cave.  It was helpful in perpetuating the race and preserving life, but that wiring doesn’t serve us anymore in modern day society.  

Thank heaven our brains have evolved and we have a prefrontal cortex that allows us to observe the lower brain and correct or change its thinking.

We’ve been commanded by our loving Heavenly Father to forgive AND forget, but why?

When we say we forgive someone, what does that look like?  Do we just accept their...

Have you ever wanted something so badly, only to realize that it wasn’t really what you wanted once you had it?

When we want something, it’s usually because we want to feel a certain way.  

For example, perhaps we want a puppy, because we will get to love and adore it.  But we don’t think about the negative feelings we will have, when we also get to clean up the messes, do the housetraining, take them for walks, pay for vet bills, grooming visits, dog toys, pet beds, boarding for vacations, and food etc…

Or maybe you think you want to eat three donuts for breakfast, but then feel terrible for the rest of the day.

We want things because of the way we think it will make us feel to have them. 

We want our husband to help more with the kids so that we will feel more loved and appreciated.

We want our wife to give us more physical affection, so we will feel more connected. 

We want our spouses to read our minds and fill our needs and on...

Several years ago, I remember a friend of mine having a goal to go back to school and finish her college degree.  She made the comment, “Two years will go by,- I can either have a degree at the end of those two years, or I can be right where I am today… still wishing I’d finished.”

I’d never really thought about things that way, but I sure do now!

What about six weeks?

I asked my family for some ideas of things they’d been able to accomplish in just six short weeks.  Here are some of the replies:

“Lost 10 pounds.”

“Learned all of my lines and music for my lead role in the school musical.”

“Filmed an entire movie.”

“Built a website and started my own company.” (this was me )

“Played a Spring Lacrosse season.”

“Learned to speak Spanish.”

“Remodeled a rental property.”

WOW!  So many six week periods of our life go by, without much to show for...

"There is always a solution."

I can’t tell you how many times this thought has helped me in my life.

When challenges arise and they always do,- it’s so comforting, so reassuring to inform your brain that things will be okay… it will all work out.

Before becoming a Life Coach, I spent 21 years as a real estate agent, and this one thing has been a huge contributor to my success.  Putting my brain to work to figure out a complicated situation has been such a blessing!  

Difficult home inspection?  -How can we fix it? Tricky financing?  -What else is available? Your seller needs to buy a home before your buyers can buy theirs… and THEY have to sell their home in order for them to buy??? -No problem, there is always a solution.

These five words calm your heart.  They confirm what you already know.  You are capable. You have an incredible mind, and come what may, you can figure it out!  Holding this thought in your mind,...

“It amazes me that women look at the sky and say, “WOW-  God is so amazing!” but then look in the mirror and think “ugh.’’  As if He didn’t make both.”

I posted this quote on my FB page this recently and I had many responses and a ton of shares.  It strikes a chord with women of any age or demographic.

Isn’t it crazy the way we criticize and judge ourselves?

Sometimes we even believe that hating on ourselves will cause us to change, -to become what??  Thinner, smarter, more talented, more likable, richer…??? Seriously! In what way could HATE ever produce something beautiful?

It’s a nasty trick our brains play, to search for our flaws.  Subconsciously, we believe that pointing them out to ourselves first, will make it hurt less when someone else notices them too.  It feels protective, but it’s just not helpful.

Not only that, but when we are swimming in a pool of self judgement, we...

Part of my morning ritual each day is writing down five things I am grateful for.  I train my brain to search for small things I’m thankful for.. It’s easy to be grateful for the big stuff, like my home and family… but when I look for and find joy in the little things, like my morning protein shake or a new favorite song, each day is full of sweet little joys and surprises.

I’ve found this morning ritual to be something I really look forward to!  It creates a beautiful emotion in my body that starts my day off right.

Anyone who knows me well know that I LOVE Fall.  It’s hands down my favorite time of year! Fall is when I feel most like myself, like I’ve come HOME.   I love everything about it, the change in weather, the leaves, the smells, the sweaters and boots and EVERYTHING pumpkin!  AND I love Halloween! -not the scary, creepy, gory Halloween, but the kids and costumes, festivals and caramel apples! It feels like a...

“I JUST DON’T FEEL CONNECTED.”

I hear this quite a bit in coaching. What is it about connection that makes us feel whole and well?

Connection is defined in relationships as a link,- we are joined.

As humans, we are not meant to be solitary creatures. We are all born with different gifts that compliment each other’s gifts, and together we become better.

So many times when we feel disconnected, it’s because we are focusing on the ways in which we are different, as if this is wrong, -as if it is a problem. We tell ourselves that our differences separate us, when just the opposite is true. 

Our differences can make us more, if we can shift our thinking to view it that way.

It’s important to understand that our relationship with someone else, is simply OUR thoughts about that person.

Remember when you were falling in love and there didn’t seem to be space in your brain for ANYTHING other that your new boyfriend / girlfriend?  You...