I’ve been thinking long and hard about the message I wanted to share with you this beautiful week of Christmas. 

There are so many reasons we celebrate; the love of family and friends, the blessings of hearth and home, the music, the lights, the traditions that bring us joy… but the one I embrace the most is hope.

To me this is the greatest gift of all.  Because of our Savior, we have 2nd, 3rd, 20th and even 100th chances.  Because of Him, we can be renewed. There is no such thing as too far gone or beyond repair. We can heal what has been damaged, change our ways, reignite our faith and find sunshine after rain.

One of my clients recently expressed to me that this is the first Christmas in many years, that she and her husband are enjoying each other and enjoying Christmas together.  She has spent the past several months working with me, learning the tools, applying the concepts and doing the work, and it is paying off BIG TIME! When she...

BLAMING SOMEONE ELSE FOR THE CHOICES WE MAKE OR THE WAY WE FEEL, IS LIKE SUPERMAN HANDING OVER HIS CAPE!

When we blame someone else for the results in our lives, we give up all of our power. 

When we place blame, we are choosing to believe that we are not the creator of our own lives, but rather, at the effect of someone else’s wishes. I don’t know about you, but that sounds horrible to me!

Do you blame him for making you delay your career to stay home with the kids?

Do you blame her for making you feel angry or offended?

Do you blame the weather for your rotten mood?

Do you blame the politicians for your lack of success in your job?

Do you blame him for your frustration, your loneliness, your disappointment?

No one and no thing, has the power to make you feel anything you don’t want to feel.

Your thoughts create your feelings, it’s a biological fact.  A thought causes two neurons to connect and release a flood of chemicals that create a...

When I was a kid, our family home was on a beautiful wooded lot in the Orem river bottoms.  It was really quite idyllic with a stream running across the front, tall Cottonwoods trees and a gorgeous hill behind.  It felt like the perfect place for our family and pets.  

Our next door neighbors were our cousins and we spent hours roaming the hill and playing all kinds of outdoor games on our huge combined yard… you see, there was no fence dividing our properties.  

As kids, we thought this was the perfect setup, but for our parents, not so much.  Tempers were fueled when the dog made a mess on the wrong lawn, or when it someone accidentally put a hole in the trampoline, or perhaps when one yard wasn’t cared for as well as the other… 

People say good fences make good neighbors, and the same could be said for having boundaries in relationships. 

SETTING PROPER BOUNDARIES CAN ACTUALLY CREATE MORE LOVE IN A RELATIONSHIP.

A...

Haha, we’ve all learned not to ask that question until about the 8th month!  But that’s not the type of expecting we are talking about today.

Are you the gifted type of person that can create the PERFECT holiday in your mind?  You watch an occasional Hallmark movie, but the dream in your head is better than anything on screen?

I am!  -or, at least I WAS.  I made so many plans, -had SO MANY expectations! 

I planned exactly how our Christmas tree should look.  I planned the events we would attend, the parties we would host, the gifts we would give -and how they should be wrapped.  I planned the menus, the activities, the baking, the neighbor gifts and every other little detail, right down to the scented candles that would make our home smell like freshly cut evergreen trees. 

I worked so hard to make sure it was the perfect celebration for everyone and I was completely attached to my plan.  I could see how it should go. ...

I know you’ve heard people say this before, “I can forgive, but I can’t forget.”  

I hear this all the time and it’s so natural for our brains to think this way.  Our lower brain’s only job is to keep us safe. It runs on what we call the motivational triad, which is this:  Conserve energy, seek pleasure and avoid pain.

This was very helpful wiring for our caveman ancestors who had the very real fear of being eaten by a tiger, if they left the security of the cave.  It was helpful in perpetuating the race and preserving life, but that wiring doesn’t serve us anymore in modern day society.  

Thank heaven our brains have evolved and we have a prefrontal cortex that allows us to observe the lower brain and correct or change its thinking.

We’ve been commanded by our loving Heavenly Father to forgive AND forget, but why?

When we say we forgive someone, what does that look like?  Do we just accept their...

As a former perfectionist, I know first-hand how it can rob us of the feeling of accomplishment, because nothing is ever good enough.

As a young mom, I was afraid to have my kids looking shabby, what would people think of me as a mother?  If someone asked me to do something, I’d go over the top to impress them with my capabilities. If you wanted to  come visit me, I had to have my house looking perfect so you wouldn’t think I was a slob. I’d put a smile on my face and pretend my marriage was great, as I was sobbing and lonely on the inside.  Can you relate?

We mistakenly wear perfectionism as a badge of honor.  Our long hours and checking off boxes on our list give us a sense of validation. The busier we are, the harder we push, the worthier we feel. It’s exhausting.

The problem isn’t with wanting to do our best; doing our best and being happy with the outcome is not only healthy, but the way that we achieve our goals. 

...

Have you ever wanted something so badly, only to realize that it wasn’t really what you wanted once you had it?

When we want something, it’s usually because we want to feel a certain way.  

For example, perhaps we want a puppy, because we will get to love and adore it.  But we don’t think about the negative feelings we will have, when we also get to clean up the messes, do the housetraining, take them for walks, pay for vet bills, grooming visits, dog toys, pet beds, boarding for vacations, and food etc…

Or maybe you think you want to eat three donuts for breakfast, but then feel terrible for the rest of the day.

We want things because of the way we think it will make us feel to have them. 

We want our husband to help more with the kids so that we will feel more loved and appreciated.

We want our wife to give us more physical affection, so we will feel more connected. 

We want our spouses to read our minds and fill our needs and on...

Several years ago, I remember a friend of mine having a goal to go back to school and finish her college degree.  She made the comment, “Two years will go by,- I can either have a degree at the end of those two years, or I can be right where I am today… still wishing I’d finished.”

I’d never really thought about things that way, but I sure do now!

What about six weeks?

I asked my family for some ideas of things they’d been able to accomplish in just six short weeks.  Here are some of the replies:

“Lost 10 pounds.”

“Learned all of my lines and music for my lead role in the school musical.”

“Filmed an entire movie.”

“Built a website and started my own company.” (this was me )

“Played a Spring Lacrosse season.”

“Learned to speak Spanish.”

“Remodeled a rental property.”

WOW!  So many six week periods of our life go by, without much to show for...